Misscarriages are Heartbreaking.How loosing my first baby at 21 weeks of pregnancy affected me in a positive and negative way.

There is the positive and negative in every situation, but focus more on the positive.
Me and my husband got married 24 July 2012 and we were trying to get pregnant and it didnt happen. Then in march 2013 I went to a gynecologist to have a pelvic scan to see that everything was fine , and that's when the doctor discovered that my cervix was tilted. She told me what I have to do, be in a certain position and it will work.
So me and my husband tried it and it worked. Sometime in early April 2013 I was sick with the flu and I was going to just get medicine from the pharmacy but something said to me , go and see a doctor, which I know now it was Jesus, the Holy Spirit. So I phoned my husband and still that same day we went to the doctor. And by this place they automatically do a pregnancy test, I still remember she took my urine and I was finishing up in the toilet and when I came out I heard the nurse was excited, and we knew her from previous visits and she knew we were trying to get pregnant.
Then as I got to my husband and the nurse , she gave us the news that I'm pregnant, I was so happy and my husband also, after trying almost a year, finally I was pregnant! We announced our pregnancy to family and friends, everyone was excited for us. Got morning sickness, belly was growing , all the good stuff. Went for 1 or 2 scans. Then couldn't wait for the scan to know if I was having a boy or a girl.


23 August 2013, 21 weeks of pregnancy. I went for a scan, I'll never forget that morning, first when I parked and climbed out of the car there was a stray dog, could see it was a female and she was looking for food, so I gave her my little piece of pie I packed in for myself. Then , excited , I went to have my scan. While i was sitting and the doctor took the scan i could see she was battling. She said she cant find the heartbeat but i must not worry because sometimes the baby is sleeping, then she said i must walk up and down the stairs, it could help.
So i done that , and still no movement or heartbeat, at this time i started crying. Then i phoned my husband and said he must come from work, there is something wrong with our baby. I then had to go to a specialist across the street that also did a scan to confirm my baby's heart had stopped beating, my heart sank and i cried for the next 2 days non stop, the skin around my eyes was red and raw from all the wiping tears away with tissues.
From the Specialist, we were referred to a state hospital but  as an emergency as we didnt know when our baby's heart stopped beating , it could have been a week already, who knew? Just that week before when I felt my belly button it was not cold it was ice cold but just thought it was because it is winter but maybe it baby's heart already stopped beating then?
When we got to the hospital we first battled and had to wait for a file. But soon we were helped. The doctor seen me and she gave me a pill to induce me, this was the friday afternoon if 23 August 2013, will never forget that date. Crying alot in hospital ward , the next day saterday, 24 August 2013, still crying, I started getting contractions early evening, it was sore and then at about 10pm I gave birth to my baby but I didnt look, there was a blanket over my legs, i didnt want to see my baby because i didnt want seeing my baby to affect me in a negative way but maybe it wouldn't have, but I'll never know. Just when my baby came out I could feel him by my bum, feeling sad knowing I can never hold him.
They battled to get my placenta out and I was in pain, pain I cant describe, almost like my back I being cut off. I asked the doctor what was the cause of my baby's heart that stopped beating? She just said it can be many causes. The nurse came to me a little while after and asked do I want to know if my baby was a boy or a girl? So I said yes and she told me it was a boy,I phoned my husband and told him. I still get tears in my eyes thinking on him, even though Jesus has truly blessed me and my husband with 2 beautiful children.
The next day, Sunday 25 August 2013, my husband visited and we asked the nurse how did the baby look? She just said the baby was very swollen from lying in the water. I couldn't even have my baby buried, apparently they burn the babies that are under 7 months of pregnancy but I have peace in knowing my little boy is in heaven , safe in the arms of Jesus.
The negative, ofcourse was loosing my little baby boy and making me think, maybe I'm not meant to be a mom? And then really stressing alot when I was pregnant with my son that next year, who is now turning 6 , 12 February 2021. And my daughter will be 4 next year, 23 February 2021.
The positive, to help me get through this terrible tragedy that broke my heart, I got closer to Jesus by reading bible, praying alot and listening to christian music. That really, honestly helped me alot to heal from my pain and move forward, not ever forgetting my first son, who would have turned 7 this year sometime between 25 to 29 of December 2020.
Jesus is the only way, He will heal your broken heart and lift your heavy burden, trust in Him, believe in Him.
Jesus Loves you so much.

I also have made a YOUTUBE channel : Mommy A to Z and also made a video on my channel speaking about my Misscarriage: My Youtube video about my misscarriage

This was a scan of my firstborn at about 12 weeks of pregnancy.